Jimmy Swaggart vs Ozzy and Zappa

Every week I post Untold Stories of Rock over at WNEW.com, next Mondays will be a real ripper, the story of a crying Jimmy Swaggart vs Ozzy Osbourne and Frank Zappa. It all ended with Jimmy having lots of sex and Ozzy making a tribute video where he briefly simulates sex with a pig in a church......................interested (well that just means your sick), go to WNEW Monday morning...

The Funniest Man in Rock Goes To: Ozzy Osbourne

"Every time I mention the vagina doctor, you get this little smirk on your face. What have you been up to?"
(to daughter Kelly)

" I can honestly say, all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly, directly attributed to drugs and alcohol. I mean, I would never urinate at the Alamo at nine o'clock in the morning dressed in a woman's evening dress sober."

"I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that's OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots."

"I love the smell of armpits in the morning. It's like victory."

"I love you all. I love you more than life itself, but you're all fucking mad".

"The down side of being outrageous is that you have to go around explaining your fucking self to people. If you're too cocky, somebody might just pull out a fucking gun and cock it and blow your fucking face off. You gotta be really careful what you bite off. Don't bite off more than you can chew. It's a dangerous world."

"I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be getting f*ing excited over a cup of tea."

Image: Courtesy Epic

Paul McCarteny Says No to Duet with Ozzy Osbourne

This years Brit Awards, being held today, should be pretty interesting.

Ozzy Osbourne is presenting !

Ozzy is pretty nervous, admitting that his memory is not all it used to be due to his many years of serious drug use. He’ll rely on his wife Sharon to help him, not the first time given it was she who rescued him from his reclusive drug binge after he was asked to leave Black Sabbath and who managed his solo career after that.

Ozzy has said, "Maybe I should start smoking dope again. I can never remember anyone's name; I'm always putting my foot in it. Sharon can meet someone in an airport in 1973, then again in 2005 and remember they're called Jimmy. Paul McCartney's really good at that, too."

Ozzy had been hoping to fulfil a life-long dream of singing with Paul McCarteny, but he has been snubbed by the man who must be still reeling from losing nearly 200 million in his recent court battle with his ex-wife.

Image: Courtesy Epic