"Every time I mention the vagina doctor, you get this little smirk on your face. What have you been up to?"
(to daughter Kelly)
" I can honestly say, all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly, directly attributed to drugs and alcohol. I mean, I would never urinate at the Alamo at nine o'clock in the morning dressed in a woman's evening dress sober."
"I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that's OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots."
"I love the smell of armpits in the morning. It's like victory."
"I love you all. I love you more than life itself, but you're all fucking mad".
"The down side of being outrageous is that you have to go around explaining your fucking self to people. If you're too cocky, somebody might just pull out a fucking gun and cock it and blow your fucking face off. You gotta be really careful what you bite off. Don't bite off more than you can chew. It's a dangerous world."
"I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be getting f*ing excited over a cup of tea."
Image: Courtesy Epic
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